LAW

Possible Closing Lines for a Defendent who Chose to Defend Himself
(McSweeney's)

"My client professes his innocence. And when I look in the mirror and see his eyes, I just have to believe him."

"The facts, which I will present to you, will show that the defendant is not guilty. My client was nowhere near the scene of the crime. My client was where I was, obviously, because he is me, and I'm definitely aware of our whereabouts that night."

"Truth be told, no one knows what really happened that night. Except me and my client."

"I have been accused of a terrible crime. This frightens me both as a defendant and a lawyer. I don't want to go to jail, and I'd hate to lose my first case."

"When all is said and done, you will have to take all the evidence and go into the room back there, talk about it, and decide amongst yourselves on a verdict and whatnot. Right?"

"I want you to take a good hard look at my client. I want you to ask yourself if he could be capable of such a heinous crime. But I don't want you to take that long hard look just yet, because it will distract me and I'm not finished talking."