NHL

An American perspective:
DATELINE: STUPID IRRELEVANCE

In a move which produced little more then an acre of crestfallen barbers and bartenders from Moose Jaw to Thunder Bay, Wednesday marked the end of the 2004/2005 National Hockey League season, for at least three days. When the reality of a year without puckery set in, two of the men who made the league a legitimate, if brief success, former superstars/current owners Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux were rumored to have been the driving force behind a truly last ditch effort. After meeting for six hours on Saturday, no agreement could be worked out, resulting in the second, and final cancellation of the week. The NHL is such a disastrous clusterfuck, they can’t even conduct a half-way decent season bagging.

In the dumbest labor move since that Brazilian hooker strike, team owners staged a lockout of their players mere weeks after the 2004 Stanley Cup finals. The rich guys weren’t making enough cash, and their collection of Canadian, Eastern European, and heavily mulleted American employees were not worth their price. This move was hot on the heels of, not only the lowest rated playoff and finals season in years, but their new national broadcast contract which was signed for the record sum of $0.00. Having watched Arena Football surpass the NHL in viewership, NBC agreed to forgo their regular slate of “Fear Factor” reruns in favor of showing the finals and a few, select playoff games. The arrangement was to result in a split of the ad revenue, carrying with it a low-tide stink of surrender.

The real problem with the NHL is that no one seems to care, in the US at least. The game has never translated well to television, despite the best efforts of the networks (see Fox’ comet puck, circa 1998) and in modern professional sports, the road to financial success goes right through TV. Under the tutelage of their misguided, Napoleonic commissioner, the league bloated faster then a frat boy’s liver, placing teams in every town with the potent combination of indoor plumbing and a microbrewery. Towns like Columbus, OH, Greensboro, NC and even Miami (fucking Miami?) were granted their own stupidly named teams with logos and uniforms designed to have guilt-ridden absentee fathers buying $200 jerseys for their Ritalin-juiced kids. Places like Winnipeg, Minnesota and Hartford were losing their franchises to hockey hotbeds like Phoenix, Dallas, and Tampa Bay. The league was blazing a trail towards the comforting swirl of a giant, shit-splattered toilet. This week, the last fecal morsel slipped down the pipe.

Whether or not you care for hockey, the current situation is regrettable. The Canadians are good people, and they deserve the simple pleasure of sitting on a stained recliner, having an ice cold O’Keefe, and watching a good old fashioned Friday night blood letting. The dedicated American Hockey fans are a small, but potent lot who also deserve far better then a cancelled season. By far, the worst outcome of the whole stinking mess is that the league didn’t seem to realize that they have lost more than they will ever regain. They’ve removed a niche product from the shelves, depriving the masses of something they didn’t want anyway.

When and if they ever settle their stupid arguments, it will take hockey some time to return to the fans. Maybe they will look to baseball for some guidance. Following their strike, Major League Baseball staged a nice mia culpa, pulling themselves out of a deep rut of fan weariness by featuring a couple of juiced up sluggers in a showdown to break one of sports most famous and hallowed records. They also built a couple of new ball parks, rekindled some nice rivalries, and most important, they said they were sorry. Maybe if hockey would only maybe, you know, do something like...well...they could. Hell, I don’t know. Oh, fuck it. Hockey sucks.

MUSIC

Kathleen Edwards

Kathleen Edwards really hits her stride with Back to Me. Flying on the wings of an ubiquitous electric slide guitar, a distinctive if quavering voice, and her acerbically accurate songwriting, the Ottawa songwriter has crafted what sounds suspiciously like a Canadian roots rock classic. Like Blue Rodeo, Sarah Harmer or Jim Bryson at their best, Edwards conjures what she needs from the sonic history of rock 'n' roll, pop, country and folk, then filters it through her own lyrical sensibilities to tell her story.

In Edwards' world, romance is invariably messy, the parent of ugly consequence and bitter, persistent memory. Whether it's revealed in criminal metaphors ("In State," "Independent Thief"); in the way it feels to live here or there ("Somewhere Else," "Copied Keys"); or in some current or former lover's bad behavior ("Old Time Sake" "Summerlong"), every affair will inevitably go very, very wrong. Rarely has such dark content surfed on such bright musical waves: "In State" describes the death of a relationship, but it sounds absolutely buoyant, with a hooky, propulsive guitar riff -- a ripe radio single if ever there was one. "Summerlong" begs someone to stay, against a sunny, jangling 12-string electric guitar; and when Edwards tells a grasping, twisted old flame, "You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me" on "What Are You Waiting For?," it's set to a punchy, uptempo beat.

The title track is a barrelhouse rocker, dripping attitude, about how she can use what she's got to get what she wants. On the other hand, the confessional ballad "Away" finds her trying to connect back with a hometown paramour, having been gone so long. "Do you think I've changed?" she asks, vulnerable as a five-year-old. It doesn't matter if she has -- not as long as she keeps making music this good.

GOLF

Re: Mike Weir, Call off the search--Mike Weir has been found. And judging by the results last weekend at Pebble Beach, both Weir and his golf game appear to be alive and well. Weir's second-place showing on the California coast was his best finish on the PGA Tour since September. And maybe, just maybe, it gives Canadian golf fans reason to believe this country's best player is ready to snap out of a stretch of indifferent play that has lasted far too long.

Just two short years ago, Weir was the hottest thing on the tour and had achieved the type of icon status across Canada usually reserved for his good buddy Wayne Gretzky. Weir showed every indication of becoming "the Great One on the Greens", a guy who, at the time, was not out of place when mentioned in the same sentence as Tiger Woods, Vijay Singh, and Phil Mickelson. Two years ago, Mike Weir was heading straight for the top of the golf world. But up until last weekend, there had been very little straight about his game. While Woods, Singh, and Mickelson (twice now) have already posted victories on tour in 2005, Weir had been nowhere close. Instead of being part of a rekindled race for the number-one ranking in the world, Weir appeared ready to take a serious tumble out of the top 10--and likely the top 20.

As it is, his spot on the global golf scene is still shaky. The world rankings are based on results over a two-year period. In the first few months of 2003, Weir won the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic, the Nissan Open in Los Angeles, and amassed all kinds of ranking points with his Masters victory at Augusta. His points from the Hope are already a distant memory, and soon the same will apply to those two other victories from 2003, leaving him with just one win since he slipped into the coveted green jacket in April of that year.

And not only has Weir barely won since that splendid spring two years ago, he really hasn't contended on a regular basis since the '03 Masters. His second-place showing at Pebble Beach should help his confidence, and it has certainly boosted his ranking: from ninth to sixth in the world. So the sweet-swinging southpaw from Southern Ontario is still considered among the best in the game, but he knows the guys ahead of him are getting better, meaning he'll have to pick up his game in order to keep pace.

"Last year I didn't feel my golf game was in a very good place, yet I was able to have the stats on the money list and have the win and have some good finishes that all looked good, but I know deep down that my game wasn't very good," Weir said recently during a conference call to promote his title defence at this week's (February 14-20) Nissan Open, the last tournament he won. "When I talk about last year not being very good, I wasn't happy with my ball-striking or my putting consistently, so that's what I want to get better at this year and, hopefully, my results will be much better as well." So far, that hasn't been the case. Once considered one of the best putters on tour and a guy who just could not miss en route to his win in the Masters, Weir just hasn't been able to make anything so far in 2005. Already this year, the 34-year-old has endured a stretch of 10 consecutive rounds in which he failed to break 70, and just one of his first 12 competitive rounds was in the 60s.

Two years ago, he ranked 11th on tour in putting and had the third-best scoring average overall (68.97). If a guy has success in those two categories, he's bound to make a whack of cash, and that's exactly what Weir did in 2003, collecting US$4.9 million. But early (and let's be clear that it's very early) here in 2005, Weir ranks 116th in putting and 105th in scoring average (71.56), numbers he knows aren't nearly good enough for a guy with his ability. However, based on last week, things may be looking up. With three of his four rounds at Pebble Beach in the 60s (including the low round of the day, with an impressive 67 in blustery conditions on Sunday), perhaps Weir's hibernation is over.

"I don't really look at money, but I do look at wins," he says about his definition of success. "I don't look at where I finish on the money list as the barometer for judging my performance for the year. I judge it by how I feel about my ball-striking and overall my confidence with all aspects of my game. I feel like the results will take care of themselves if my golf game is good."

Weir made a decision during the off-season to play a lot early in 2005, hoping to find his groove and ride it all the way to this year's Masters. He was hoping that would be the best way to add a second green jacket to his wardrobe. But the results weren't there early, forcing Weir to fight his way out of his funk, and it looks like he started down that road at Pebble Beach. If he can keep that up, Mike Weir might just be in a position to contend at Augusta once again. But if that doesn't happen, his supporters out here in Vancouver have to hope his game is in shape by the end of the summer so he can take a run at the Canadian Open when it's held at Shaughnessy in September.



NEWS

Bush Determined To Find Warehouse Where Ark Of Covenant Is Stored
WASHINGTON, DC—In a surprise press conference Monday, President Bush said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant, the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. "Nazis stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes," Bush said, addressing the White House press corps. "Sadly, due to bureaucratic rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse. Mark my words: We will find that warehouse." Bush added that, after they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom.

GOSSIP

Last night on Larry King, Growing Pains star Tracey Gold spoke about her felony arrest for driving drunk, injuring her husband and one of her young children:

KING: [After the accident], did you hear from people in the industry or, like, support from Growing Pains people?
GOLD: Yes. Absolutely. Well, the interesting thing was, we were doing publicity for the Growing Pains movie a month after the accident, so...
KING: There was a Growing Pains movie?
GOLD: Yes, we did a reunion movie when I was, like, nine months pregnant with my baby.
KING: When is that going to air?
GOLD: It aired.
KING: Oh.

And this concludes our lesson on the importance of checking IMDb before you do a celebrity interview.

Interview with Growing Pains star Tracey Gold [CNN - Larry King Live]